Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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