He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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