so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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