It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
