I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Quick, to the slutcave!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
