Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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