you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
