Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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