I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I stole a fireplace last night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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