Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize