i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
