the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
