I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
