Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
