ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
