I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
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