I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
