Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
