Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
