3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
