if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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