i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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