the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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