you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
