I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
