yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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