Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
