Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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