I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
