I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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