Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You can't special order awesome
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
