there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
