Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
