the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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