the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
