He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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