I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Sorry my hands just texted you
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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