for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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