This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
