in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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