I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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