So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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