i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
