i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
