the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
