New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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