she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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