Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You ate ashes out of my bong
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
