How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
