I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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