Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
