TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
