I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
