we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
